The First Five Seconds

Before I really start this blog, I feel like I need to give some background information on who I am and what my life has been like these past nineteen years. Some things have been impossibly hard to put into words, and other things are incredibly scary for me to finally share, but that’s the point of Five Seconds of Fearlessness. With that being said, here’s my first five seconds …

One in 25,000. Those are the odds of being born with a birth defect known as a cloacal malformation, a congenital fusion of the urinary, digestive and reproductive systems that occurs while a baby girl is developing in the womb. I came into the world as one of those statistical anomalies. In layman’s terms, the pipes going into my body worked fine, but the pipes leading out were a jumbled mess. After more than a dozen reconstructive surgeries, I am now able to live what outwardly appears to be a normal life; however, my life is anything but normal and the experiences I have had as a result of my anatomical uniqueness have shaped the person I am today.

While I am blessed in that my disability is hidden from view, that veil of privacy is also a curse because most people have no idea what it means to be me. Sometimes I think being me is like running a marathon while carrying a 100lb weight on my shoulders—it can be done if I’m truly determined, but it takes a lot more effort to get to the finish line. Determination has never been something I’ve found myself lacking; however, I can honestly say that sometimes I struggle with why— why was I given so many obstacles, why did that higher power think that I was strong enough to handle all of this? Why was I given a life that always seems to be an uphill battle? The answer… the view from the top of that hill is completely worth the struggle. Every time I find myself asking these questions, I remember that every single thing that has happened to me has only made me stronger—and I mean this in the least cliche way possible. The things that I’ve experienced as a result of my anatomical uniqueness have given me a life that I would never ask to be different, a life that I will forever be grateful for.

Not only has my birth defect given me a unique appreciation of life, it has allowed me to meet some of the most remarkable people. I have been fortunate enough to get to know other girls with the same malformation, yet every single one of our stories is completely different because, although we share a diagnosis, none of us have the same side effects, we all have our own journey to share. One of the reasons why I started this blog was for these girls. I decided to share my story in hopes of other girls reading this and knowing that our diagnosis is something that has only made our lives more beautiful.

One in 25,000. Those odds defined the beginning of my life, but neither they nor my birth defect will keep me from living life on my terms. They can’t stop me from being a normal nineteen year old college student. They can’t make me live a life in fear of what the next obstacle may be. One thing they can and have done… they’ve given me a story. An unfinished story that I will continue to share with you as it is written.

Something New…

Going into my second year at James Madison University, I made a decision to let a new version of myself form—a me who didn’t hold back, a me who wasn’t afraid to be vulnerable, a me who let her story be known. Not many people knew of this new mindset that I had given myself, but those who did encouraged me and it’s with their support that I’ve decided to form this blog.

When explaining this motto to my friends, I always started off with a conversation on Taylor Swift and how much she has truly changed me, something that proved to be difficult because I still feel incapable of fully understanding the magnitude of how much Taylor has influenced me. I explained how so many of her lyrics changed my view on life and how one song specifically has become my way of life… “Fearless,” the song that I have painted across my walls, the song that taught me to take chances, to be fearless because sometimes five seconds of fearlessness can change your life entirely.

My whole life I have felt like I have a story to tell— a story that was written for me to share, a story that I was given to make a difference, a story that I now share with you in bursts of fearlessness.

I give you five seconds of me baring my soul to whoever may stumble across this, five seconds of me sharing MY STORY with YOU.

     Five Seconds of Fearlessness.